After plunging head first into The Hypocrisy Vortex, Issy and Poppy emerged with monocles intact and snouts twitching. But the scent trail didn’t end there - it spiralled eastward, past the smoke and mirrors of Westminster, all the way to Strasbourg. In this second dispatch, our cosmic greyhounds dig into the curious ascent of Laure Ferrari: waitress turned political operator, think-tank founder, and now the enigmatic owner of a Clacton property that raises more questions than answers. Buckle up - The Strasbourg Spiral is about to unwind.

Issy & Poppy Investigate: Laure Ferrari and the Strasbourg Spiral

Me: Girls, we’re heading to Strasbourg. Laure Ferrari’s hometown. Time to sniff out the origin story.

Poppy: (adjusting her monocle while balancing a croissant): She started as a waitress where she met Farage. Then she was running a Eurosceptic think tank accused of funnelling public money to UKIP. That’s quite the leap.

Issy: (levitating above a dossier marked “IDDE”): The Institute for Direct Democracy in Europe. Sounds noble. Was investigated for allegedly diverting over £400,000 to UKIP before the Brexit vote. Less noble.

Me: She studied English at the University of Strasbourg. Then opened a clothes shop called Urban Flavour, took out a bank loan, and ran it for two years before it ceased trading.

Poppy: From retail to radical politics. That’s not a career path - it’s a plot twist.

Issy: She joined Debout la France, a far-right French party. Ran for the European Parliament in 2014. Lost. Then pivoted to think tank leadership and co-founded The Mouvement, which Steve Bannon later joined.

Poppy: When Bannon joins your think tank, it’s less about ideas and more about importing chaos.

Me: Farage gave her a job as a parliamentary assistant. She insists she was head of public relations, not just an aide.

Poppy: Titles are flexible when your mentor is rewriting the rules.

Issy: And now she’s the mysterious buyer of a Clacton property worth nearly £900,000. No mortgage. No clear source of funds. Her parents live in a modest flat in Strasbourg.

Me: Baxter Laois Ltd - because nothing says grassroots rebellion like boutique gin. Distilled irony, bottled denial.

Poppy: She ran Baxter Laois Ltd, the outfit selling Farage’s branded gin. It was filed to be struck off with £11,000 in debts - then mysteriously unfiled. Farage claims the company, run by his girlfriend and trading with his brand name, has nothing to do with him.

Issy: That’s rich, considering Farage Limited - his metals broking firm - went bust in 2015, leaving a trail of unpaid creditors. No history there, apparently.

Me: Farage says it’s her money. But if he gifted it, she could owe France around €120,000 in tax.

Poppy: That’s a lot of foie gras.

Issy: Transparency isn’t just for politicians. It’s for their partners too - especially when the property trail smells like spin.

Me: So, what do we do?

Issy & Poppy (now glowing, surrounded by floating bank statements, shredded campaign leaflets, and a holographic baguette): We trace the narrative. We question the myth. We remind Strasbourg that political ascension should come with receipts.

Me: Right. I’ll order a strong espresso and a mild audit. You two keep sniffing through the manifestos. If the money trail vanishes again, bring a torch and a tax lawyer.

The Strasbourg Spiral spins on—but Issy and Poppy are chasing its tail.

Follow Issy & Poppy Investigate for dispatches from the surreal edge of political satire - where monocles glow, truths levitate, and nothing is quite what it seems.

Addendum: The Bigger Picture

🐾 Me: Since we published this investigation, more has emerged. Nathan Gill admitted taking Russian bribes as an MEP. Richard Tice was caught meeting Russian oligarchs and concealed it. David Lilley donated £364,000 to Reform whilst holding frozen Russian assets. And now we discover Ferrari was under investigation for EU fund fraud. Four separate probes. One party. One leadership circle.

🐶 Issy: grimly Ferrari isn't an outlier. She's part of the pattern.

🐕 Poppy: So the question isn't just about her fraud investigation. It's: what does it mean that every senior figure in Reform is either under investigation or connected to someone who is?

👻 Spiny Norman: The biscuits taste like corruption when you see how many tins are rotten.

🐾 For the hard of thinking: This is political satire, not investigative journalism.

🐾🧐

More from the Issy & Poppy Investigate here.